So I went to my primary care physician yesterday. I got weighed and had blood tests and all that shit. Luckily my pulse was 71 beats per minute so I didn't have to get an EKG. Haven't gotten the blood test results yet but I was tested for magnesium, calcium, potassium...etc.
The weight, though, it FREAKED ME OUT. The appt. was at 2:30. I was wearing clothes and shoes. I weighed in at 115 lbs. GROSS I AM SUCH A FUCKING FAT COW. My BMI is currently 19. NOrmal, but the doctor was like, it's really low, yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. I have been taking like 10 or more green tea pills per day. Bought some more at Rite Aid for $6! :)
Today I was being so good...woke up at 7. Had coffee w/ Truvia at 8. Had raisins at 9:30 for laxative effect. Worked. Then had green tea. Then I messed up. I ate 120 cals worth of bread. and then I was like, oh, I should have some mango. And then I ate CHOCOLATE CHIPS. AGAIN. GRRRRR. So I'm at like 300 cals today. and it's not even 3 pm. FUCK.
Skipped dinner last night at least. Hopefully I will do that again tonight. Dad threatened me with a feeding tube last night and mom was like, "This has got to stop, Clare." Well they can go to hell. I'm not fucking stopping. I weigh 115 lbs for crying out loud! I'm so fat and disgusting. I seriously wanted to cry when I look in the mirror. Thje sad thing is, I remember when 115 was my goal weight. And now 115 is fat to me. Not sure what I think about that. Oh. And my period is late again and I keep getting chest pains. And you know what? That makes me happy. Because it MUST mean I'm getting thinner, right?
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