OK, so I'm getting all ready to go into outpatient on Friday, and Ana has coem back with a vengence. I'm seriously worse than I've been in three weeks. I skipped breakfast 2 days ago and only had lettuce for lunch. With dinner that day, my daily total was 500 cals. Then yesterday I ate 130 cals for breakfast, 190 for lunch and had dinner. So about 600 total. But then...i ate ice cream. FUCK. So I found myself on the floor in front of the toilet with my finger (and then a toothbrush) down my throat. Nothing. Fuck the god who made me without a gag reflex. So then I exercised majorily last night. So I'm in horrible pain this morning. And I made a bowl of cereal in front of my dad and then dumped it off my deck. I'm planning on not eating until dinner.
I HAVE TO GET TO 100 LBS. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT RECOVERY. I'm actually thinking that I just keep doing Ana. See how much I lose. (hopefully I will lose 15 lbs, to get me to 100 lbs!) They can fucking stick me in residential if they want to. They can't make me stop. I know I said I wanted my life back, but I feel like eating is just taking my life and my control over my life away from me, not giving it back. I will shrink away to beautiful bones. Ana has given me the strength I need once again to get beautiful...beautifully SKINNY!!!!!
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