103? No...???

So extreme hiding tactics were put into motion today. Last night I stole the scale from my parents bathroom and hid it in my room. Now I can weigh myself whenever I want. :)

I consumed 543 calories yesterday (over my goal, but not TOO bad) and exercised (but not until I cried so therefore not enough). When I woke up this morning I weighed myself and the scale said 103.

What? Excuse me? One-oh-three? My goal weight was 105! And I was 112.5 yesterday...how does someone lose 9.5 lbs in one day? And I'm still fat. My scale is lying. I know it. I'm disgusting.

So at the doctors appointment I had eight batteries in my bra and wore two shirts with a huge heavy sweater and my thickest jeans and thick socks and my Uggs. I weighed in at 117.8 lbs. So how could I have been 103 this morning? It literally is IMPOSSIBLE. And cruel. To have that false joy for a split second and then go, ... wait. NO. That can't be right. Look at my butt. Look at my arms. Look at my stomach. Look at my thighs for god's sake!

And to make matters more sucky, my parents decided we were going out to breakfast. AFTER I'd already eaten a piece of toast. So I got a muffin and ate half. I swear I felt SO FUCKING FAT after eating it. I seriously felt disgusted with myself. When I had to get a shot at the doctor Ana was whispering, "Don't make a sound, you deserve this pain, you fat cow." I'm so sorry. And now I feel like I should skip dinner. Hmmm....maybe I can tell my mom I'm feeling sick, have her bring it to my room, and dump it out the window? We'll see I guess.

I WANT TO BE SKINNY!!!! WHY AM I STILL FAT? :(