Urrgg...Can't Purge :(

So as the title mentions, I cannot purge. I tried three times today! Nothing. I get so frustrated with myself.

So today was supposed to be a liquid fast (tea, water, grapefruit juice). Of course, my mom ruined that. My cousin HG had a day off so the three of us went for tea. Tea (of course) involves fruit and pastries and sandwiches...and the place we went to had a flat rate of $25 per person. My mom saw me just drinking tea and she was like, umm I'm paying a lot of money...EAT FOOD! So I did. Guilt central. I felt so fat! How many days in a row is this that I've messed up????

HG said I needed to gain weight. I smiled on the inside thinking that she was fucking delusional. She's so tiny...she weighs 100 lbs! I swear she's my real-life thinspiration. But then I made a mistake: I let slip that I have lost a total of 27 lbs. SHIT!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to come up with some clever lie to explain that one...I hate lying. They keep piling up and getting more and more complicated.

I had been so excited because my AM weight was 111 lbs. I was seriously hyperventilating when I got on the scale for my PM weight, but I only went up one pound, to 112 lbs. I'm relieved that that is the extent of the damage.

I.MUST. GET. TO. ONE. HUNDRED. POUNDS.

Jesus Christ I'm so fucking worried about going to my grandma's!!! I'm going to try and chew and spit breakfast and dinner (eat alone in my room) so that I can try to eat a "normal" dinner with the family so as not to raise suspicions. Good plan? We'll see.

Tomorrow I am starting 2460 with my "ana buddy" J. Cheer me on! Haha if anyone is reading this, which is probably a no lol.